Mental health check-in.

I really don't know how I'm doing. 

I get asked how I'm doing on a semi-regular basis. 

I usually lie.  

My typical response will be that I'm well.

I'm not well. 

Every fiber of my being is anxious and depressed.  There's just been too much. 

I'm not able to do the things I enjoy most.  It's a vicious cycle. 

I cry often.  Every little thing can start my tears. 

I try to explain it like this; I wake up every morning thinking this is the day I die.  Then I have to talk myself down.  I have to remember I'm not alone and that there are people who love me. 

It's tough.  Every single day is a struggle for me.  Even though I have so much to live for, I lose sight. 

Nothing like a pandemic to knock you while you're down. 

Life was going okay in 2020.  I was able to get out of the house.  I was working through my mental health.  We had BTS concert tickets.  Life was good.  Things were settling down in my life. 

Then Covid hit. 

I cannot express in words how this impacted my life and my mental health. 

I am not okay.  I'm not sure I will ever be.  I'm trying to adapt.  I'm surviving. 

That's how I'm doing. 

Sometimes it's second by second.