I think I am going to wet my pants from laughing so hard!

Seriously!?!?!

You can get a DUI while riding a bicycle!! I don't know what is more pathetic? That law OR that I actually know someone that this happened too!?!?!

Okay, guess I'll go pee now.



Sent from my Blackberry.

My Grammar Sucks, but do you still love me?

I know I know. My grammar isn't the best in the world. I cannot help it. My husband blames it on my PUBLIC high school education. Not all of us could go to a POSH expensive snotty private school like him. ~gentle smile here~

I also think being a country girl has a lot to do with it. I will say ya'll, ain't and you'ins all the time. My grandmother is a very country woman and I suppose I picked it up from her. When I get all tongue tied I get my words all mixed up. I make past things present and present things are in the past.

I am famous for adding "at" to things. For example: Where are you at? My husband will say, "behind a preposition". It never fails. He always says that. Not only to me I might add.

It's okay though...I still love him and he adores me.

Here is a joke he sent me last week about grammar:

Grammar Lesson

On my 65th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a shaman living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the shaman, and wondered what I was in for.

The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion. He handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, “This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say, ‘1-2-3′. When you do that, you will be longer and harder than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”

I was encouraged. As he walked away, I turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4′ when she’s had enough,” the shaman replied. “But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”

I was eager to see if it worked. I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited my wife to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, I was the manliest of men.

My wife took one look at me. She was so excited she began throwing off her clothes. She jumped onto the bed and excitedly asked, “What was the ‘1-2-3′ for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.

I joined Technorati.

Look me up. Add me as a fave.

Supermom Michelle

Max & Ruby annoy me.

Max & Ruby, Ruby & Max annoy me. Lil O likes to watch them. I think Ruby is an annoying BOSSY big sister. If she really is his sister.

I told my husband you never see their parents. Just the grandma.

I think Ruby had a child at a young age. But she tells Max he is her "younger brother".

You didn't hear it from me though.

My 3 year old makes me want to drink.

ALCOHOL! Joking. Well, no I am not.

Saturday we were at Target. Getting this and that. After my short list was checked off Lil O said she wanted a toy. No biggie. I'll let her get a small toy every once in awhile.

Big mistake! BIG mistake! Huge MISTAKE!

She cannot decide on a SMALL toy. Instead she wants this Barbie cash register. Umm, no. So, we both are trying to bargain with her. Nope, she wasn't having it. I suggest a movie. Let's go look at the movies and pick one out. No.

I head on up to the movies to take a look and pick out something for her.

Then I hear crying. It's getting closer. It sounds like Lil O.

She is being carried by her daddy. Screaming. Crying. People are looking at us like we are trying to abduct her. I am surprised someone didn't say anything to us. Kind of scares me now to think about it. Would a stranger step in to see why a child is screaming and crying????
Anyway...another topic for another day.

He drops her in the back of the cart. Not literally. She is still screaming and crying. Kicking. Making a HUGE scene.

To make a long story short. She wouldn't stop. HB gets the few things out of the cart to pay for them so I can just push the screaming Lil O out of the store. OMG, it was embarrassing. She wouldn't stop. She screamed and cried every step of the way out the door. Getting louder.

It didn't stop there. She screamed at the van. refusing to get out of the cart. I have Baby M in the wrap so I am unable to just grab her out of the cart. During this time I took a video and picture of her.

She is going to be famous. See how she blocks the paparazzi from taking her picture?



We finally got her in the van and strapped in the seat. She cried all the way home.

I am sure this has to do with losing her paci. The new baby. Etc........

Sooooo, after I get the kids to bed tonight....who's coming over for drinks?

I absolutely hate the term SAHM.

I don’t know why it bothers me so. I just find it an icky term and I have NEVER used it! I just twitch when I see it used by people. lol It’s the little things right?

~warning this post is written at 5:30 am, I am not accountable for words this early~ lol

Yes, I may “stay at home” and I am a “mom”. But I find it ummm maybe “lessening” my duties while at home. I am at a loss to describe what I am trying to say.

For example, these are the duties I have being just a plain “mom” who stays at home:

*CEO ~this is what I personally call myself. CEO of my family and I will write that in Job Description when I fill out paper work or get asked my occupation.~

*Housekeeper

*Amateur Chef

*Nurse

*Therapist

*Sex Toy ~Remember I am married.~ :)

*Teacher

*Art Director

*Police Officer ~Did you take the toy from your sister?? Were you just in the kitchen?? Show me your hands??~

*Laundry Attendant

*Maintenance Manager of the house

*Taxi Driver of “Mom’s Jag”

*Janitor

*Computer Geek ~so I can blog about crazy things I think about early in the morning or google, “strange smells coming from shower drain” for my Janitor position.~

Okay you get my drift.

I started calling myself CEO of my family long ago. It is fitting. I go from being a drug store manager to managing things around the house. I just try to imagine the kids as my employees. lol They have jobs to do just like I do. DELEGATE DELEGATE! lol

I just did a search to find out how much a CEO of the family should be earning a year by their duties. Annual PayCheck Value from 2006: $134,121.

So, go ahead and call yourself SAHM’s if you want, don’t let me stop you. I just wanted to give you something to think about. But for me I will always be:

Michelle, CEO of my Family.
(Don’t go stealing my line either. Make up your own title. lol)

PS. My husband said since I am CEO he is CFO. Chief Financial Officer. As well as Sex Toy. LOL

~another re gifted post~

So what if she likes grape jelly on her waffles.

~first posted Febuary 18, 2007~ It's a post about Lil O! Since she is growing up to such a lovely big girl, I wanted to post again.

Good Monday morning from my computer chair to yours. This blog is going to be all about my youngest daughter O. She will three years old in 23 days. Or there abouts. Not that I am counting them.

It is sad to think of my baby growing up. It seems like yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital. Then she turned 1, then 2 and now 3! She is such a big girl.

As she is running around the house now in her Dora nightgown with her ponytails all messy. Wearing her princess jewelry. Sucking on her paci. Yes, she still has it and we are okay with it. If you aren’t, then you come take it from her. lol

I think of how much I am in love with that little girl. ~And my other 2 children.~

I love it when she laughs and says, “Tickle me”. Tells me I am her best friend forever. And when we are all snuggled together she will wrap her arms around my neck and tell me she loves me with all of her heart.

Here recently you can ask her something and she will say, “Umm, no” or “Umm, yes”. Its cute.

Yesterday when her big brother locked her out of his room we heard her scream through the door, “BEN CALVIN”. lol She thought using his middle name would get that door open. It didn’t but we got a good laugh from it.

I love to hear all these new words she picks up. She has been talking for a long time. She started speaking complete sentences when she started talking it seems. Such a VAST vocabulary for someone so small. Well small in age I guess.

She is one tall girl. She got that from me. :) She has the most beautiful big brown eyes, from her daddy. Blond streaks in her hair where the sun has kissed it.

I like it how she always calls PINK things green. lol

I like to paint her toenails. She likes it too.I love it when we are in bed for our nap together and I make up a story for her. She will say after, “That was a great story”.

I like how she picks out her clothes and shoes for the day. We don’t argue much over her choices. lol

I like to watch her jump on the trampoline. Hair flying everywhere. Laughing. Just enjoying herself. Freedom.

It warms my heart when I come home from being away from her she will say, “I am so happy, I have missed you”.

I simply adore when we wake up in the morning and she will ask, “You sleep good mommy?”. Since she shares our bed, I get lots of snuggle time at bedtime and when we first wake up. On occasion I have felt a poke poke for me to get up that she is awake and ready to get up out of bed. lol

I like sharing my bath with her. Having her and bubbles at the same time is such a treat. We do this about every day.

There are so many things I have learned from all my children. They teach us what really is important in life. They are. They teach us to not be selfish and only think of ourselves. They teach us that love is really unconditional. I am still trying to get patience. I pray for that everyday. I hope that I am able to teach them as much as they have taught me.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Monday. I will because I will be with Lil O enjoying her as much as I can. Learning from her. Laughing with her. Letting her be her, because that is what she does best.

Obituary Euphemisms:

Obituary euphemisms:

“Free spirit” - unemployable
“Vivacious” - drunk (female)
“A character” - drunk (male)
“Fun loving” - drank more than worked
“Down to earth” - born working class
“Utterly carefree” – senile

I'm Not Famous, Just Ask Julia Allison

I was reading the current Wired magazine that we get in the mail. There is an article about Julia Allison. Who is she you ask??? She is Internet famous. That's pretty much it. She is seen with famous people. She blogs. She tweets. She is a wild a crazy gal!!! Anything to get noticed!
She includes 3 steps to get Internet famous.
Step 1: GET NOTICED
Step 2: KEEP THEM HOOKED
Step 3: EXTEND YOUR BRAND

Well, this got me to thinking. I am a wild and crazy gal as well! I have led a life full of adventure. Yes it was before blogging existed and it was written down in a journal ( before computers were in every household). BUT IT STILL HAPPENED!

I sat down and made a LONG list! A list full of ADVENTURES!!! Mostly happening before I became SUPERMOM but they still count! And yet none of these things have made me famous. Until now. Let me share them! Sit back and be prepared to be shocked.

1- I won a biscuit baking contest in school. I guess this is when my fame started. I was in the paper. I made biscuits all the time. In fact, I refused to make biscuits for YEARS since I made so many during that time. I just recently started making homemade biscuits for my family.

2- I have traveled. I was an exchange student in France. I have been to The Louvre and have seen the Mona Lisa. A rather small picture. Compared to everything else I saw in The Louvre the Mona Lisa wasn't that impressive. Just my opinion though.

3- Once, while at the local mall, I saw Dr Tony Jones from General Hospital. Brad Maule is his real name. He was there for a fashion show. Kind of cheesy I know. But it did happen and I saw him in person. He was very handsome in person all those years ago. I'm talking like 17 years ago.

4- When they were filming The Last of the Mohicans in the area we had all these "Indian extras" running around with their mohawks and such. Several of them hit on me! In fact, I am sure you can see them in a few scenes. Since they all really looked alike, it would be hard to point them out though. Interesting huh? Sadly, I didn't see Daniel Day Lewis. That would have added a few points to my famous factor. I will mention as a side note that my BIL was an extra in the movie too. No, he wasn't one of the Indians with a mohawk. He was a redcoat.

5- I have dated a CEO/President of an aerospace company. Does this even count?? I know he isn't Bill Gates but I will include him as well.

6- When I managed a drug store, I spoke with Andie McDowell a few times. She still lives in the area. I really have no opinion of her as a person. We didn't go out for coffee or have late night pillow talk. I think I just gave her a basket once because her arms were full.

7- Again at the drug store, I met the beautiful Daliah Lavi. She's best known here for a couple of film roles in the sixties. But was apparently a big pop star in Europe in the 70s. I spoke to her about the movie my husband had me watch Casino Royale and how he thought she was a beautiful woman. I think she was naked in this movie with certain parts covered up. She is such a beauty even now.



8- One night when I was out clubbing, I met Edward Norton's dad. There was rumor that Edward was supposed to be there but his plane was delayed. No he wasn't just some older man trying to pick me up. There was a big group of people and they had lots of tables reserved.

9- I was on TV. A Doula special on the local news. I was the HUGE pregnant woman. DOULAS ROCK!!!!! Get a DONA Doula for your next birth.

10- My husband's father was very well known to everyone in our area. He started a radio station in the 40s. I am sure I would have loved him dearly. Sadly, he died long before I met my HB. I hear he was like a local hero around here. I know that many respected and loved him. Since he was in radio he brought many talents to the area. My HB met the "Man in Black". My MIL met Elvis. The list is lengthy.

11- I read Karyn Bosnak's second book and blogged about it years ago. She wrote about me on her blog and became my friend on MySpace. I was even IM'd by her once. She is a lovely woman and I am sure if we met in person we would get along and be BFF's. She has me listed on her blog and I have her on mine. Check her out and say "hello". ~I will talk about MySpace in a few.~

12- I have seen The Flaming Lips, Tracy Chapman, Gomez, Neko Case, The Reverend Horton Heat, Unknown Hinson and The White Stripes perform. I saw huge stuffed animals dance around on stage. I stole a Neko Case poster from a bathroom for my HB. I even think the Gomez drummer was checking me out before they performed. He was at the bar getting a drink. I had my picture taken with Unknown Hinson after the show. I was asking him if I could touch his sideburns. lol



13- I entered a contest on Nerve. They have monthly photo contests. I came in third. I got a naughty sex book in the mail as my prize. And NO I will not post the picture that was submitted.

Did this make me famous? No, it didn't. But it was fun.

PS. I was fully dressed in the picture. Maybe that was why I was third. I don't want anyone to think I sent in a naughty picture because I didn't. It just encouraged people to use their imagination.

14- I have a MySpace account. I would link you to it but it is set as private. It's mostly online friends and friends from high school. I do, however, have Madonna, Lizzie West, Dido, The Talking Heads, The Flaming Lips, Michelle Branch, Damien Rice, Cake, Sarah Mclachlan, and The White Stripes as friends. Does this make me famous? No, it doesn't. They haven't even left a comment for me. That's okay. I haven't left one for them either. lol

15- I have a Twitter account. Hello TWEETS!! My user name is TheSupermom. Look me up and add me as your friend. It's fun! Tweet away!

16- Last, but not least, I have this really cool site: The Adventures of Supermom. It's a blog about nothing. Like Seinfeld. Check me out. Send me out to everyone you know. Comment every chance you get. Add me to your faves! I'd love that. I'll give you a hug. Maybe even send you that naughty sex book that Nerve sent me.

I may not be Julia Allison but I don't have to be. I am who I am and I'm a great gal to know.

BTW, I have Dooce and Fussy in my bookmarks. I read them when I get a chance and will even comment on their pages. This hasn't made me famous either.

Preparation for Parenthood.

Preparation for parenthood…

It’s not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.

1. Women: To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a pillowcase filled with beans down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans.Men: To prepare for paternity, go to the local drug store, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it — it’ll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

3. To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5 pm to 10 pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious noise) playing loudly. At 10 pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1 am. Put the alarm on for 3 am. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2 am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2:45 am. Get up again at 3 am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4 am. Put the alarm on for 5 am. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, first smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower beds, then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a bag made out of loose mesh. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this: all morning.

6. Take an egg carton, using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Last, take a milk carton, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Pops and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations! You have just qualified for a place on the play group committee.

7. Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.

8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you’ve had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.

10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a preschool child — a fully-grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month-old baby.

12. Learn the names of every character from Spongebob Squarepants, Barney, and The Backyardigans.

When you find yourself singing “I Love You” at work, you finally qualify as a parent.

Breast Milk Does A Body Good

Breast milk Does Every Body Good

Eye infections: Squirt in an open or closed eye. If the eye is closed have the person lie back, squirt it, then open his or her eye. 4 times or more per day.

Plugged eye ducts: Squirt into the eye crease at the nose. Do this 4 times one day and 2 times the next.

Conjunctivitis (”Pink Eye”): Same as Plugged eye ducts, but continue with 4 times daily until the crust is gone.

Sties: Same as Conjunctivitis.

Sore/cracked nipples: Rub into nipples and air dry.

Scratches: Squirt and air dry, bandage, etc. as normal.

Burns: Same as scratches.

Diaper rash: Squirt and air dry.

Mosquito bites: Squirt on bite and rub in. Stops the itching.

Ant bites: Same as Mosquito bites.

Ear infections: Squirt or pour into sore ear. Can follow with warm (not hot) olive oil and garlic.

Acne: Wash face with water, then follow with breast milk squirted onto a cotton (be sure it’s cotton, that synthetic stuff can scratch the surface of your skin and cause problems) puff and apply all over face.

Sore throats: Anyone who will let you can be helped by a squirt of breast milk. Either by direct squirt or if applied from a sterile plastic cup.

Stuffy noses: Squirt into nose and suction or squeeze out as you would with saline.

Contact lenses: If you have an irritant under your lens and forgot your eye drops, take it out, hand express to get a nice little stream going to rinse contact off.

Eye puffiness and redness: Express breast milk and pour over eyes. Does as good of job, if not better, than tea bags!

Breast cancer: Recent studies suggests that just the simple and natural act of breastfeeding can benefit mom as well by providing protection against breast cancer.

Cold sores/Fever blisters: Express a small amount of breast milk onto clean finger and apply immediately to cold sore. Ends pain and helps speed the healing process.

Chicken pox: Use as you would Calamine Lotion or some other ointment.Leg ulcers: Someone has claimed of hearing about a breastfeeding mother putting breast milk on an elderly relative’s unhealing leg ulcers, it cleared them up too. I don’t know how long it took.

Chapped lips/skin: Express a small amount onto fingers and wipe over lips or skin. Do not rub it in…leave a little wet.

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I Love Where I Live, Where I Am From.

These days it is hard to find a true native where I live. They are all transplants so to speak. But I am a true born here, live here native. So is my husband. And our family. We live in one of the most beautiful places. Mountains. Seasons. Fall Leaves. Not only that but we also have some great restaurants. Local art. A big mix of cultures. Anyway...

I wrote a post last year about what was out my back door. Just a short 20 minute drive really. The parkway!!! Land untouched by contractors and builders. Ahhh.... A place where you can lose yourself really quick. Pick wild blueberries. Nap under a tree. Hike. Ride bikes. Just enjoy your family and not worry about the TV, phone or ~insert distraction here~.

We headed up on Sunday after stopping by Subway and taking lunch with us. So armed with a bag from Fresh Market that had drinks and chips in it and a bag from Subway with our sandwiches. Camera. Blanket. We were on the road. On our way to Craggy.

Sadly the high pressure was gone and we weren't able to look way out at the mountains that we call home. We still had a nice time though.

Trying to eat:



I found MY spot:



Then I had company:



So much for QUIET:



Breastfeeding while I enjoy nature on a blanket under a tree:



B2 made a new friend:



What is it about ROCKS?!?!?! :



And more rocks!!! :



That was our lunch on the parkway! We all enjoyed ourselves. Even the teenage daughter had a nice time. When HB took B2 and Lil O on a walk we sat on the blanket and talked. It was nice. :)

No more cussing.

Lil O has had a clean mouth today UNTIL her daddy came home. Isn't that right honey? ~gentle smile~

I have been a cleaning mad woman today. Mopping. Dusting. Vacuuming. Laundry. I think when I get in a funk I obsess more about clean and things in their place.

It's all okay now. Tomorrow I will fold the 3 loads of laundry and start a grocery list.

I didn't feel like leaving the house today so I missed the Moms Supporting Moms meeting. I guess the depression kept me at home. Eh, I'll go next time.
Lil O is in her bed. She is still asking for her paci. Day 5 without it. Such a milestone for such a brave little girl. My brave little girl.

Baby M is right beside me in bed as I type up something quick. The bugs outside are deafening. Yet peaceful. But I won't miss them when they hush for winter. Wow. To think of winter already. I admit that I love wearing a warm sweater and crazy knee socks. It's a weakness of mine.

Again, thank you for all the kind words about my blog and be sure to visit Pepper. The link is down below. I'd post it again but I am on my Blackberry and haven't figured all this out yet.

I must turn in and wish for sweet dreams.

My 3 Year Old Said A Cuss Word.

~insert glare at my husband~

Tonight I was on the bed nursing the baby when Lil O comes in to ask me if I had her paci.

I told her I did not have it.

She SAID, "DAMMIT!!"!!

I calmly yelled for her daddy to come here. When he gets here she asks him if he has her paci. I start to hide my face with a pillow becuase I know what is coming next.

He told her he didn't have her paci.

She SAID, "DAMMIT!!"!!

He tooks at me as I am hiding my face trying not to laugh out loud.

I know we shouldn't make a big deal or she will say it MORE. But if she continues then I will start to correct her.

I have said SEVERAL times to watch what you SAY around her because she will PICK it up!!