She's still grieving an unfinished relationship.

Somethings just take time.  When you get a flesh wound you can physically see the changes as it heals and you know that you will be okay.  When you are dealing with feelings of the heart you never know how long it will take to heal.  When you break up with someone at least you are allowed some sort of closure.  You can be angry and sad then move onto other things.

With Crazy Beautiful H it's different since Evan was suddenly killed in a car wreck last year.  To be so happy and "in love" and then to have in all taken away from you in a second.  I cannot imagine the loss that H felt and still feels.  I tend to forget that it happened since I'm so busy but H never does.  It will cross my mind when I dust her bedroom and see his picture on her nightstand.  I will frown and let out a sigh then go about my business.

For her it's a constant reminder of the loss that she had to face at such a young age.

Sunday we were having a discussion about a past boyfriend that I'm glad is an EX boyfriend.  He was nothing but trouble and hurt H a lot.  There's no excuse for that.  Period.  He's been trying to come back into the picture and I've done everything to stop it but run him out of town.  Don't get me wrong, he's a normal teenage boy that has had a rough life.  But it's not H's job to "save" him.  It's a relationship like that.

H and I were having a heated discussion and I told her that she should have more respect for herself and want to be with a boy that worships the ground she walks on and would never ever hurt her or cheat on her. 

H then says this, "I did and God took him away from me."

She cried.  I cried.

I told H that God didn't take Evan away from her.  I tried to tell her that God just had a different plan.  I asked her to remember how it felt with Evan.  How he treated her and how he respected the young lady that she was and told her that some day, when she's older, she will find that "feeling" again with someone that deserves her love and her time.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  Sigh.  I feel so sad for my beautiful daughter to have had to deal with this at such a young age.  I do hope that in time she will have had her time to grieve and know she's allowed to be happy and find a good love one day.  She deserves it. 


RedMelD said…
Wow. I will be praying for your daughter. How painful, how sad. While reading your post I thought often of my best friend that died when I was 14. I was on vacation and came home to find out that not only had she died, but that she'd already been buried. I remember how quickly it had happened, how hurt I was, and how angry at God. I encourage you to keep open the lines of communication with your daughter. She needs to be able to express her feelings as often as she needs to, knowing it's OK to grieve. You and I know that this experience will strengthen her and build character, but in the midst of our troubles as a youth, this is something we don't yet understand.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" ~James 1:2-4
Ahhhhh, we're going through something similar here. As you know, Sarah is a recovering drug addict (almost 13 months clean and sober!) but her boyfriend at the time, the one that introduced her to it all died of a drug overdose several months ago. She never had a chance to say goodbye and one of the steps of the 12 step program is having it out with that person who encouraged your addiction. She's starting to feel the void of not being able to say goodbye in all aspects of her life, including her relationship with her boyfriend now (GREAT GUY!). She starts with her new therapist next week and I'm hoping they can work towards closure in that relationship and moving forward. As happy as I am to know he can never harrass her again, I feel as equally sorry for her because I know she is truly hurting. Not sure how this gets better except for with time.
Kimberly said…
What a powerful conversation to have with your daughter. I hope her heart heals and treasures the feelings she had for Evan. Now that she knows what it is supposed to feel like, she's got the advantage. She'll recognize that kind of wonderful relationship again.
Anonymous said…
I heard an older woman talking who went through this at 18 and she took it as a sign that she should never settle for less than that. Its a good way to respect him and move on at the same time.
Debi said…
Im so sorry