Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My teenager daughter will have to grieve now.

This has been a very difficult time for my family.  I know our grief doesn't compare to that of this young man's family because we still have our daughter alive.  But his death has left my daughter heartbroken.  This young man is someone she was interested in and he was interested in her. 

I know it is extremely hard on H because they had their first date Friday.  I can remember when he left the house, after watching TV with us, she was all giggly wanting to know what we thought of him.  In fact it was her first "real" date, being allowed to be alone with someone. 

I cannot imagine how she must feel now. 

Then add to that they were texting up until his death.  H was upset because she thought she should have known something happened since he quit texting her back.  I reassured her that there was no way that she would have known something like this happened. 

She is spending a lot of time with this family right now.  I'm wondering if that is a good thing?  I wonder if she should be at home, healing herself.  I read her Facebook statuses and it makes me so sad. 

Last night she went with the family to the hospital to see the other kids that were in the wreck.  Two are awake and one is in a drug induced coma.  H called me so upset because one of them told her that "E was the happiest he'd ever been since he's been with you" then thanked her for making E's last day the best he's ever had.  Mind you that the boy that told H all of this didn't even know her.  He only knew what E had told him.  They just cried together H told me. 

My heart is heavy for everyone involved.  But mostly for my daughter who has to deal with this tragic loss at such an important time of her life.  This will be something she carries with her forever.

We will just be there for her with open arms to love and listen.  This is such a difficult road and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

7 comments:

Monica said...

You have to remember the time she is spending with the family she is being there for her bff G. I think G may really need her now.

Living It, Loving It said...

I have remained quiet through the last few posts because I know how much H and the rest of you are hurting. My younger brother just lost a dear friend of his to suicide. I cannot imagine how that young man was feeling when he decided to end his life. They all just graduated from high school and were making plans for college and my brother is absolutely devastated. He told me he feels like he has nothing left here and he needs to get away and forget. I have tried to comfort him in everyway that I can but there are really are not any words to explain the loss of young life. My prayers are with that young man’s family and your family.

Danielle Franklin said...

The year after I graduated, a dear friend of mine died in a horrible accident. Id known him since 6th grade, we even rode the same bus. He was in the band and a senior in HS. He was cleaning one of his rifles and thought all the bullets were out. Somehow the gun went off and he...well he is no longer with us. I went to the funeral. My HS band was a family to me when I had no family at home. (you know how my dad was). I know where H is coming from. I'm going to do my best to help her heal tomorrow and give her all the love and support she needs. Hopefully this shopping trip will cheer her up some! I told her if she needed to talk, I was here for her, and she said we would talk tomorrow! Thank you for letting H come shopping with me! I've missed her so much over the years and it is hard to believe she is a young lady already. (I feel old LOL) <3 ya supermom!

Anonymous said...

While I do honestly feel for your daughter, I also hope that you tell her at some point in the near future how fortunate you feel that she was not in that car with kids who were driving without seatbelts. It's a huge loss that might have been prevented, and it's a difficult lesson but one that now she can understand when she thinks about how it could be her own mom and dad receiving mourners.

Anonymous said...

Hi Supermom family. How sad indeed for H to lose boy she had a date with. While she is spending time with the family they may feel they need to cling tight to her. For fear of being alone. she is at a fragile age where confusion for someone special is mixed with teenager hormones. Tell H she really needs to be at home with your family. Going back and forth to the hospital is not healthy for a teen girl to experience. Sometimes a mom and dad need to step in an make a decision. Seems H is clouded with emotions. Time to say H come home were your family heal with us. The boy's family feel they need to cling to her because they loss their son.
Now a days kids are taking relationships way to serious. Good luck

Supermom said...

Thanks everyone.

It has come out that the two front passengers were in fact wearing seatbelts! I hope that this is corrected on the news. Sadly, the two passengers in the back were not wearing them though. I'm not sure it would have mattered to be honest.

Speed was a factor in the accident.

Yes, it is very sad for H. H has been allowed to spend some time over there but then we have encouraged her to come home to be with her family.

Also, I haven't allowed her to go back to the hospital because I don't see it as healthy for her since she didn't know the other people in the car.

I know that H will be okay. She has her family and friends there for her.

Nancy- HeartMommy said...

SuperMom-

I just read this post and I am sorry we never connected. Interestingly, my boyfirend's sister contacted and visited me several weeks ago. She is now 34 years old. The last time I saw her, she was about 12 yrs old. Amazing how my view of her is as it was then and seeing her as an adult flooded me with memories. She looks so much like her brother.
My offer still stands if she wants to talk or share feelings.
*Read my latest post...it is a story much the same plus 25 years later.

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