I'm slowly losing control of the situation.

The hormonal teenager situation.  Where do I begin?

Last week I was checking on our phone plan and realized that we were only two weeks into our billing cycle and hormonal teenage had gone over our minutes.  We are on a 700 minute family share plan.  To which she said wasn't a problem because we have unlimited texting and she wouldn't be using the phone much.  Trust me, she is using the texting because she almost had 12,000 texts for a billing cycle. 

PUNISHMENT : Losing her phone until a new billing cycle starts and paying the overage on the bill when it comes.  If anyone needs a babysitter just call me I have a teenager for hire.  She has taken the Red Cross Babysitting class. 

THEN!

She's on the hair dye kick.  Months ago she just couldn't wait to dye her hair.  She got dye all over my bathroom and ruined my good towels.  The dye messed up and made her hair black in places.  I remember it well, her sitting in the bathroom sobbing because she had ruined her hair.  Apparently she doesn't remember that because she wants to dye her hair blond now. 

We agreed that we'd get some dye and she could dye her hair.  Somehow she manipulated the situation and came home with dye that her grandmother had bought her.  She should have called me first but nooooooooooooooooooooooo.  After all the fussing about hair dye she brings some home without calling me first.  FYI:  Her grandmother has a cell so she could have called.  If she had called to ask first I would have had no problem with her bringing home dye.  It was done in a manipulative way that angered me.

THEN!

While in our hallway discussing the dye and why she should have called me in front of her grandmother I notice something different about her ears.  I start counting earrings.  Then this rolls out of my mouth, "What the fuck?" 

There were four holes in each ear.  FOUR!!! 

Long story short, last year hormonal teenager was trying to get back at me and pierced her ears a third time out of spite.  After getting in trouble over that she actually had the BALLS to pierce them a fourth time!!!  Of course she didn't want to talk about it in front of her grandmother.  I was furious.

I feel like I am losing control of the situation.  The hormonal teenager is pushing all my buttons. 

THEN!

She's upset of the break-up with THAT BOY.  I know her heart is broken but explaining to her that it will get better is a waste of time.  Last night I hear her yelling on the phone and crying with HIM.  I go into her room and say, "Why are you wasting your time talking to him.  Get off the phone and get over it!"  She was crying and told me 'she couldn't'.  I then made it clear how I felt about THAT BOY, "I'm telling you now that if you two get back together he is not welcome in this house, you two will not be allowed to do things out of school AND WHEN he hurts you again you will be on your own."

Too harsh?

Well, life is hard.  SUCK UP AND DEAL!!!  If you are going to let some teenage TWIT try to tell you that he cannot be with a girl that doesn't trust him when HE was the one talking and hanging out with another girl for MONTHS then you are the fool.

I'm in no mood for niceties at this point.  I'm angry that my teenage daughter has made four holes in her ears.  I'm angry that she does things out of spite.  I hate spite!  It gets you NO WHERE!  I'm angry that she manipulated her grandmother and brought home hair dye without calling me first. 

I'm losing control and that angers me.  DAMMIT!!  I am the boss.  I will be listened to.  I will be in control.  I'm not letting some hormonal teenager run over me.

Today I'm making the fourth earrings come out.  Because I am going to be in control. 

You may think that I'm being harsh and overreacting but I am being a responsible parent and doing what is best for my daughter.  She has to have boundaries. 

Comments

Stacy said…
You are not being harsh- having a teenager is very hard. You are doing a great job!
Lacy Martinez said…
Who ever thinks that you are being harsh must have never had a teenager! Now I must say I don't have a teenager as of YET! But I do I have two girls, so in a few years I will be right where you are as well.If I was in your situation I would be doing the same things you are doing! I applaud you! She has to learn that you are in control and not her! You have handled the entire situation I feel like any good mother should!
Hugs
Anonymous said…
wow. I never knew your daughter was so...like a teenager...lol she sure has grown. Sounds like she's going through the 'rebellious' stage. Hopefully it will pass, but probably not till she's out of highschool. Yes, I think it is good that you are showing your rulership, but remember, if you tell them not to do something, it makes them want to do it all the time. I cant believe my aunt let her pierce her ear and get hair dye again! She just told me a couple days ago her dying hair days were over. She spoils them too much. But yes, she does need to do what you say and follow the rules. Rules are important. I didn't figure that out until I was waaay outta H.S. If I were as wise now, when i was in H.S i wouldn't have wasted such time and energy on boys that weren't worthy. Were you like her when you were a teenager? I was a baby then and dont remember lol love ya!!!
ps-its me dani lol
Supermom said…
It's not the grandmother you are thinking about.

There's an option you can comment using name instead of making anonymous.
RoseBelle said…
I have a 14 year old and some of the things he does and wants to do just shoot my blood pressure off the chart. What has been working for me thus far is sitting down and having a one on one talk with him. I listen to what he has to say and the rule is he has to let me finish talking without any interruptions from him. Of course we don't see things eye to eye when we have these alone time conversations but it's better than me screaming out him and all the chaos that follow.
Laurel said…
No not harsh at all, you rock Supermom!
And I should know Im the one who sent my 14yo away to a wilderness behavior camp a year ago when he started calling me a bitch more than once on a daily basis, & failing 7th for the second time & spending more time in ISI than in the classroom.
Kelly said…
Boundaries are crucial and it sounds like you are really good at setting them and following through. Stay strong!!

My teen didn't give me much grief and for that I am eternally thankful!!
Katie Mae said…
I can't wait to read the other comments thus far... but wanted to comment to you before I forgot LOL!

STAND YOUR GROUND!!!

It's the only thing that will work!

I wish I could rub your back and feed you delicious food... this is a horrible age/stage and I for sure feel your pains and frustrations!
Supermom said…
Thanks everyone. :)
MrsFuda said…
Hi Supermom. I was reading about your teenage daughter giving you fits, and I have 2 teenage sons (and 2 younger sons) who also, thrive on giving me fits. I think your responses to her were fair, and I've also had to step in an permanently end a bad relationship...the ex even yelled at ME on the phone. You are doing a great job, I'd say.
MrsFuda said…
... ^ and for some reason, I've lost all ability to spell or use correct grammar today, lol, my apologies.
~MrsFuda
Supermom said…
Mrs Fuda ~ Thank you for your words or encouragement!!!

Grammar, who needs it?!?!?!?

I hope you have a great weekend.
Michelle :)
Momo-Mama said…
Rip those earring out mama...that's what I'd do! You have to let them know that though you respect their growing independence, YOU are in charge...little butt-heads!

BTW: I'm new to your blog so I hope I am not TOO opinionated for ya! If you get a chance swing on over and visit mine...I've got two hormonal teens of my own!
C said…
OK, I'm gonna go against the grain on this one. I don't think that you're being too harsh, but I do think that you are giving your daughter all the control she's looking for.

When I was a teen, my mom never raised her voice to us. Like NEVER. And OHMYGOD that was frustrating.

Because losing your temper means losing control. Which is what your kid wants.

I came home with a piercing once that my parents didn't sign off on. My dad was not happy but my mom's response was "it's her body." Which is really true. Kids rebel with crazy hair, clothes and piercing because it is the only thing they generally have complete control over. Unless you follow them around 24/7 and hold them down to dress them, you have little to no control in that department.

The only way to teach your child that spite is stupid is for her to continue to do dumb things that only hurt her (like piercings) and to get no reaction.

And if the dye job sucks, let her pay to fix it.

I know that is the HARDEST thing to do as a parent, to not react.

As for the boy, yeah it sucks. But the more you say "NO YOU CAN'T DATE HIM." the more she will want to and say things like "you just don't UNDERSTAND!!!"

Yes it sucks to see your daughter get her heart ripped out, but that's her choice. Unless he's physically harming her or being verbally abusive, it's really her decision who she dates.

My advice on this one is to just tell her that if she wants to continue dating that boy, it's her decision but that you find it disappointing she would settle for someone like that when she deserves someone that treats her well.

The word "disappointing" has a special power to it. Teens don't seem to care if they p*ss you off, but they hate to disappoint.

I guess what I'm trying to say is the more you react, the more crazy crap they're going to do. It's like my 1 year old that knows if he goes to play with the stereo, I run over and pull him away from it.

He knows EXACTLY what is going to get him attention.

Unfortunately for you, so does your daughter.