Monday, January 18, 2010

Could a tampon be considered a deadly weapon?

Yes, I am going to blog about tampons.  Those lovely feminine products that we HATE to buy every single month or God forbid, ask our husbands to buy them for us.

Okay, this maybe gross.  Just a little.  But I promise you will laugh at the end!  I hope.

Okay, we all know I’m sick with the flu.  In fact I am being the most HORRIBLE patient ever!!!  Just ask Superdad.  Oh wait, he already blogged about it for you as a guest blogger.

Yes, I have met my match.  Ah, damn you! God damn you flu all to hell!

At least I have something funny to share.  Or you may think just gross.  Oh well.  Here goes.

So, I’m sick.  We’ve already covered this.  Then I had to start my PERIOD.  Just freaking lovely!!!!!!!  Like I didn’t realize I was a woman with a baby hanging off my boob.  Let’s just kick her while she’s down and give her something else to deal with.

Okay.  Are you with me?

One of the perks of the flu is this agonizing cough.  Like shake your whole body, cough up a lung cough.  Well, here’s the funny, yet maybe gross part.  Since, I’m on my PERIOD and using a tampon coughing makes me grab my crotch.

Like grab my crotch while singing,

“Hee-Hee! Ooh! Go On Girl!
Aaow! The way you make me feel.”


That sort of crotch grabbing.

So instead of covering my mouth when I cough I reach down to grab my crotch.

Stop laughing!!!

So, I go tell Superdad.  After I have told him he couldn’t tell anyone what I was about to tell him.  Well, I guess that verbal contract is shot to hell since I am blogging about it myself.

I told him that if felt like my tampon was going to shoot across the room every single time I went into a coughing fit.  HE LAUGHED.  AND LAUGHED.  AND LAUGHED.

So did Monica, now that I think about it, when I told her over the phone.

I’m glad I can amuse you people while I am on my death bed, coughing while grabbing my crotch.
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