Teenage dating is hard on parents too.

I don't where to start this blog post.  I guess with some back story about H's boyfriend.  His mom and step-dad are together one week, broken up the next, back together, one's moving out the next week and so on and on.  I won't even bring up the fact that I think his step-dad is abusive.

Okay, so last week the BF calls H and upsets her.  Things will be going GOOD for them and then he'll bring something up to cause conflict.

HISTORY ALMOST ALWAYS REPEATS ITSELF.

I explain to H that it's the example he is being taught at home.  I told her that it would probably not change.  I am always honest with H because she needs that.  I don't sugar coat things.

So, last night I'm in bed and I hear H on the phone like pleading her case, begging for mercy type thing.  It angered me.  I knew it was the BF starting HIS stuff again.  So, I get up and tell H to get off the phone.  When she gets off TEN minutes later I follow her into her bedroom.

She doesn't want to talk to me about it but I am pretty persistent.  Like I'm not leaving this room until you talk and make you life miserable until then.  Apparently she talked to another guy.  To which I said, "BIG DEAL!!!!!  You're 15!!!!  You're supposed to enjoy these teenage years."

"Last time I checked you two aren't married and the only people you are supposed to explain yourself to is your PARENTS.  Last time I checked HE wasn't one of those."

"HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GOING TO PUT UP WITH THIS?!??!?"

At this point I just wanted to scream.  I always tell H that I love her and want what is best for her.

SIGH!!!  Did I do okay?  Should I have said those things?  I just don't want some TWIT jerking her around WEEK AFTER WEEK.  Makes me want to pop him up side his head!  Not hard, just to get his attention that I have my eye on him.

So, she ended the conversation with, "Can you please leave.  I want to go to bed."

Comments

Mary said…
Ok time for mom to step into this situation. Seems to me that H bf is playing mind games with H.
I saw an episode of Dr Phil last year. A 15 yr old had complete control over his girlfreind. Dr Phil asked the girls mother if she was insane for allowing her child to have part of this. The mother said but Dr. Phil she is 15 i can not control her. To which Dr Phil replied its your job. Michelle you have to do what is right and to me your doing the right thing. I fully support you for wanting to keep the line of communication open with H. You have to stand up for her and make H see that she is being abused if not my physcial abuse then verbal, seems the bf wants H to be his puppet. If she wants to talk to another boy she can and should. Seems to me that H has to see that the bf is a control freak. Michelle continue to keep the line of communication open with H your doing a great job is the mom.
Maybe it is time for her and the bf to take a break, H can not continue to stay in a relationship like this, and his current home situation should not affect H she is way to young to be drawn into that kind of family drama. Seems that his current home life is totally messed up and no matter what H does she can not change it ,this boy's home life is like battery acid on an open wound.
Michelle good luck and continue to love your H, Mary
rachel... said…
Absolutely you should have said those things! I think I would have said even more.

I remember being a teenager, though, myself, and there are some lessons, no matter how much you hear them from parents, teachers, friends or Dr Phil, that you just have to learn yourself.

God, I'm not looking forward to having teenagers...
Keshia said…
Having been in H's place just a few years ago I understand how its hard for her to see what your telling her but I think you are completely right to keep telling her it isn't a good situation to be in. You are her mother. Its your job to tell her things she doesn't want to her. She will thank you for it later!
Kelly said…
I don't necessarily agree that just because things are bad for this boy at home that it will translate into his current and future relationships. HOWEVER, it seems that in this case, you might be right. It is possibly a "I can't control things at home, but I can control this" type thing.

I think that you said the right things. I am glad that I haven't had this experience with my daughter, because I believe that it is a delicate balance. You want to be supportive, you want her to listen to you, but pushing too hard might drive her in the opposite direction.

Stay strong and keep an eye on it. Hugs!
Mary said…
Good posting mommies, we all agree
Mary said…
Good posting mommies, we all agree
Kelly said…
The relationship with the BF sounds very unhealthy, and I should know I have had more than my fair share of unhealthy relationships. I think you are handling it in the best way possible. I would say she shouldn't see him anymore, but if you tell her that it's likely to make her run right to him. Just keep an eye on the situation and make sure she knows that behavior like that is wrong, and she doesn't have to nor should she put up with it under any circumstances!!!
Monica said…
H is too beautiful and sweet honest and trustworthy to put up with this. Love does not hurt. I learned my lesson late in my 20's... She can have any boy she wants that is why he is always trying to keep her under thumb.