MySpace is all about "collecting friends". More coffee please.

I've got something on my mind and I want to share it and I'd love opinions.

Last night H's dad called here upset because of H's choice of friends on MySpace.  I didn't see it as a problem.  I tried to explain how social networks work and that "collecting" friends is perfectly okay.  Just because there is a "goth" kid on there doesn't mean anything.  Turned out he's a friend of a friend at school and she doesn't even talk to him.  She added him because he make her friend count higher!  SEE!!!  She said it herself.



If you remember I wrote an article for Glubble about Internet Safety for kids.  I want to share that again with you.

Keeping Our Children Safe While On The World Wide Web

There are one or two computers in most homes these days. And most children want their own laptop and cell phone. With so much adult content available on the World Wide Web it is our duty as responsible parents to know what web sites our kids are visiting and who they are talking to. I want to protect my children from uncontrolled exposure to grown up topics like sex and drugs. These are subjects that should be learned about in the proper environment when the time is right, not from a Google search.

While planning a family vacation not long ago we did a simple search for “Disney”. A word associated with family fun brought up a naked woman with Mickey Mouse painted on her body. Guess what body parts were his ears. This shows how fast things can get x-rated.

Here are some practical tips we use in our home.

* Have your computer in a common area. Ours is in the office which is viewable by everyone in the living room. In my opinion, a bedroom is no place for a computer that has internet access. I feel the same way about TV’s too but that is a different topic altogether.

* Set a time limit for computer usage and STICK TO IT! Don’t let the whining wear you down. You are the parent and ruler of all! On school nights each child has 30 minutes of fun free time on the internet. On weekends they are allowed more time. This limit doesn’t include time spent on the computer for homework or school projects.

* Learn how to limit and/or block access on your computers. (How you do this depends on what operating system or browser you use.) Our children have to ask permission to gain access to new sites by sending me an email. I can check out the site they want to visit then unlock access to it or block.

Even sites like “YouTube” and “Google” are blocked. Remember my Disney fiasco using Google?

* Keep track of passwords. If my children want to join something, like the popular social networking site MySpace, I must know their password. Because they know I can pop over anytime to review their online activity they make more responsible decisions.

* Manage these social groups carefully. My children aren’t allowed to talk to anyone unless they know them in person. Their profile must be kept private, only for family and friends (that I approve of) to view. And no posting photos until they are approved by us.

I really don’t care how good you think you look flashing that silly gang sign. It’s not going to be your profile picture.

All of the suggestions above work really well for our family. With everything now available at our children’s fingertips it is our responsibility to keep them safe.

Does this make me an unreasonable parent? No, it makes me a responsible parent.

Are my children missing out? No, they are given a safe environment to learn and grow.

I still stand by all of the above!  I have H's password!  I do random checks.  I cannot control what her friends or "collective friends" may post on their MySpace BUT I can teach my daughter from right and wrong.  That's really all you can do as a responsible parent.

I have a wonderful loving daughter and I have to trust her to do the right thing in any situation.  Enough said.

So anyway her dad thinks I should be outraged for the "friends" on her MySpace.  I am not.  I am a member of a social network.  I work on the computer every day.  I know what it's about.  We as parents deal with so much more than our parents or grandparents ever had to deal with when we were growing up. 

How can the two generations meet in the middle?

I just don't know.

Comments

Michele Renee said…
Might I also add to block out Craigslist. It is great for selling/buying stuff but that stuff includes graphic photos in the personals section. In any town.
My kids do not have email addresses or Facebook or MySpace accounts. The oldest is 13. Or cell phones. Don't know when they will but right now they don't need that kind of privacy.
Monica said…
Goth is just a look and the kid probably listens to metal. This is just his self expression and a way to bring attention to himself.

I admire that you keep up with H's page. I have tons of friends on my myspace that I don't know.

It's not like you full name,phone number and address is there.

I bet he does not even send H comments or messages much if even at all. And if he does check I bet he sent 10 other people the same comment.

Kids look at who has the most online friends and it is seen as how likeable you are.
Anonymous said…
Oh my H dad has to wake and see its 2009. A goth kid big deal is he or she out shooting people, taking drugs, shop lifting stealing cars. If dressing different and listening to heavy metal is their vice in life then there is no problem. It is ok to express your self as long as its not in a video with a label of xxxxxxx or girls gone wild or anything that might get you arrested. Michelle your doing a great job with Hannah you rock. If it matters I still check up on my 19 yr old on myspace and facebook and she really doesnt mind she made me one of her top 10 freinds hell I rock lol, Mary From DE
Kelly said…
You are right! I don't have to keep up with my daughter's anymore (she's 20!), she dropped MySpace and moved on to Facebook some time ago. She was my first friend on Facebook, she friended me! We post and comment on each other's stuff regularly.

When she was younger I regularly checked in on her MySpace, I knew which friends were important and which were just "fillers" and what they were generally up to. I found it to be a valuable tool. Although, she never gave me reason to use it. Knowledge and keeping in touch with what your kids are doing is crucial.
Heather Nicole said…
Loved this topic! Yeah perhaps if H's dad had myspace or facebook he would understand. Myspace is very much a popularity contest for some kids (not saying that is the case for H), but kids talk at school. when teaching high school i would hear kids all the time, "i am not her friend b/c she deleted me or i am not in her top friends anymore." sometimes it is just easier to add them even if you dont talk to them to avoid the question of "why". as you said it is more a case of numbers...my hubbys goal is to get 500 friends on fb. geez!
I 100 % agree with the ideas about internet safety (and no TVs in bedrooms). i think more parents should feel that way. honestly i think i may end up being called the "too strict" mom because it seems not many people set high standards like that for their kids anymore. GO SUPERMOM!!!
Supermom said…
Thank you for all these great comments!!!!!!!