I just read this article on Babble.
Tears were/are streaming down my face. No one really understands this unless you have been told there is a chance your unborn child has Down Syndrome.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 19 weeks pregnant and we were getting our ultrasound. I was 33. Pregnant with my 4th baby. (Actually 5th if you count my miscarriage.) I had even picked up the 2 older kids from school early so that they could see the ultrasound as well. We were so excited.
Laying there on the table while the ultrasound tech was checking out our unborn baby, I knew instantly something was wrong. She got quiet and kept trying to measure something. Over and over again I watched her. It wasn't the happy ultrasounds we have had in the past. We weren't shown fingers, toes or really much anything. She was focused. I was near tears. Trying to be brave because my other children were in the room with us.
I knew. We knew.
We waited to see the doctor. I asked that the kids wait outside this time. Then I heard these words out of my doctors mouth, "There is a chance your baby could have Down Syndrome."
I don't think it really hit me until I was driving home. I don't even remember checking out. I just thought, "OMG, our baby could be handicapped". Then I started thinking selfish things, "Will I have to care for a child for the rest of my life?".
I too had never gotten the tests. With any pregnancy. I requested no more. I would love our baby no matter what. With Downs or without it.
Toward the end of my pregnancy there was another ultrasound done to check on her growth. Everything looked great we were told. We knew we really wouldn't know about our baby until she was born. The cesarean was planned. We were as ready as we could be.
I will remember April 15, 2008 for forever. I remember the nurse tell me that I would get to see my baby in 2 minutes. I started to cry. Baby M was born. She did not have Down's Syndrome. We would have loved her no matter what.
In the hospital I kept asking her doctor if she was sure. Did our baby have Down's. She did not.
I cried happy tears when my baby was born. I cried for every mother who was waiting just like me. I cried for the mothers that had Down's babies. I just cried.
Tomorrow my Baby M will be 6 months old. Check back because I have something big planned.